


we both know the way that this story ends

by reachedthebitterend



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, M/M, i cried a lot while writing this, written as a direct reaction to the finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 05:57:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20204845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reachedthebitterend/pseuds/reachedthebitterend
Summary: coda to 'recovering the satellites'





	we both know the way that this story ends

**Author's Note:**

> written 04/24/19

Alex feels like maybe the universe is punishing him as the only Manes Man capable of feeling remorse.

Someone had to pay for all the bad karma his family had been gathering for decades and well, it might as well be him.

Alex thinks there is a sick sense of poetic justice in the fact that Michael saw the person he loved most in the world destroyed right in front of his eyes and that without even saying one word, Michael destroyed Alex.

It’s not like Alex blames him. Not really. It is his fault after all. He was the one who pulled and pushed and ran away when things got too hard. He was the one whose entire family has dedicated decades of torture disguised as research against people like Michael.

Alex had been desperate trying to get Michael to see, to _know _how Alex really felt about him, because he could sense that this was coming.

From the moment that he realized what he was looking at in the scans for Caulfield, he knew he might lose Michael for good this time.

It was bad enough that Alex was at fault for what happened to his hand.

It’s even worse finding out what his family has been doing to Michael’s _people _for generations.

And it absolutely kills him when Michael turns away from the glass door and staggers towards him and says that, that woman, trapped behind the glass, put there on the order of someone whose last name was probably Manes, is his _mother_.

So, no. Alex doesn’t blame him.

Not even when he tells him to wait as he runs away from Alex’s last confession, that he should’ve never let him go.

Alex waits and waits and figures that maybe something happened. Or he hopes that maybe something did. And it makes him laugh a little nervous as he stands and looks around.

He could keep waiting, but something tells him that Michael isn’t going to be coming back soon.

He leaves behind a note in the hope that Michael won’t think that Alex is running away again.

He hopes that maybe they could actually talk about things now that everything’s out in the open.

There’s enough anxious, worried energy coursing through him to drive him to the Wild Pony.

Maybe Maria will serve him a drink even if it’s too early.

***

Alex doesn’t speak to anyone for days.

Kyle calls and comes over, but Alex hides out in the bunker, a special fail safe in place so that no one can get down if Alex doesn’t want them to.

This of course doesn’t work against aliens who have a lock pick in their brain.

Alex lasts four days in total silence before he hears the door to the bunker being forced open.

Alex takes a moment to hope that maybe Kyle has secretly been an alien this whole time when the person drops into the bunker

The black cowboy hat is a dead give away.

Alex freezes where he’s sitting on the edge of the bed. He’d just taken a shower and his hair was still wet and soaking the collar of his t-shirt, and his prosthetic was leaning right beside him from where he’d just taken it off minutes earlier.

He feels vulnerable and _exposed _in a way that he never has with Michael and he doesn’t know how to feel about it, but he really doesn’t like it.

Michael’s gaze sweeps the room and he stops when he spots Alex.

His gaze goes from worried to relieved to furious. He takes a step forward and the entire room shakes with it.

Alex just looks at him.

“Why are you hiding in here Alex?” Michael demands, but Alex refuses to fall for his bait.

He just carefully fixes the sock back on his stump.

“Alex,” Michael says sounding like he’s at the end of his rope.

“Why do you think, Guerin?” Alex snaps and immediately looks away.

He really doesn’t want to have this conversation.

He wants to wallow in his misery for a few more days and then work on getting a transfer somewhere far away.

It would be hard work, with the strings he had to pull to get his father to Africa, but he could probably manage it before the new year.

“I don’t know Alex,” Michael snaps moving forward and getting Alex’s attention as he moves his hands wildly through the air.

“You’ve been here for days. Noah is dead. Max-Max is gone. Isobel is acting strange. Rosa is back. Liz is devastated. And you’re moping in here, because, why? I stood you up? How many times have you told me to wait for you only for you to never show up?”

Alex feels every word like a stab in his stomach.

“I’m sorry I forgot that we were supposed to meet,” he continues fast and a little desperate. “But a lot happened in such a short period of time and I was overwhelmed and I just-” he cuts himself off and swallows hard.

Michael’s eyes are bright with unshed tears and his voice cracks and he’s looking at Alex like he needs him, and Alex wants to reach out and hold him, but he remembers Maria leaning up a little to kiss a smiling Michael on the mouth and thinks, it’s not his job to bear this burden with him anymore.

Michael made his choice.

Alex closes his eyes and he inhales deeply and exhales slowly, three times.

He’s been forcibly reminded that the center of the universe doesn’t revolve around his feelings for Michael Guerin. He’d torn Liz a new one for being a shitty friend wrapped up in her own drama, and here he was, doing the same thing.

He exhales once more, harshly and finishes putting on his prosthetic before he’s standing and facing Michael on what he feels to be more even ground.

“I’m sorry about Noah and Max and Isobel. And I’ll talk to Liz, but if that’s all you came to say. I think you should go now.”

Michael furrows his brow and takes a step closer to Alex. Alex takes a step back and to the side, moving around the bed.

Michael stops moving and tilts his head at him. “If I leave now how will I be sure that you’re going to leave this room?”

Alex looks at Michael for a long second before nodding his head decisively.

“Fine, I promise I’ll leave the bunker. Hell, I promise to leave the cabin and go visit Liz in person. But in return you have to do something for me.”

Michael swallows hard and gives him a look, “What?”

“You have to leave me alone,” Alex states and his voice shakes, but he doesn’t look away from Michael, not even when Michael furrows his brow and gives him a confused look.

“Wha-?” he starts reaching a hand out, and Alex looks at his hand with wide startled eyes.

He reaches out and then steps back fingers curling to fists at his sides.

“Your hand-” he starts feeling as though his heart is trying to beat out of his chest. He feels kind of sick, kind of like his entire world was just flipped on its axis.

Michael licks his lips swallowing hard and looks down at his hand and then at Alex and then away, clenching his hand to his side.

“Max-” he starts but then loses his voice and shakes his head.

Alex nods his head slowly and exhales roughly.

“Okay, fine, whatever. Just promise to leave me alone and go. I’m kind of tired.”

Michael’s gaze snaps back to him. “Why?” he demands.

“You’re not an idiot, Guerin. I’m sure you can figure it out.”

Michael clenches his jaw. “You’re the one who said you were through running away, and here you are, running, again.”

“I meant I was through running away from my feelings for you!” Alex yells taking a step forward as Michael gives him a startled look.

“And you know this so don’t act like you don’t! I know that it’s my fault, okay! I was scared and I didn’t know what I wanted and I ran away! But I figured it out! And I came back! And you told me to wait!”

“Alex,” Michael says voice soft as he takes a step towards him.

But Alex just keeps talking.

“But I never stood a chance, did I? Not from the moment he hurt you. I tried so hard to be someone who could save you, but I just end up hurting you more and more, so I get it, Guerin, okay? I get why it’s not me.”

Alex takes a deep breath and just looks at Michael, the way his eyes are brighter than before, and Alex hates that he’s doing this to him now, but he needs Michael to understand.

He needs Michael to go.

“But that doesn’t mean that it’s not _killing _me. And I’m not just going to pretend that I’m okay when it feels like you just destroyed a vital part of me. So I need you to go, right now, please.”

Michael laughs, harsh and painful and he glares. “You think you’re the only one who has the monopoly on feeling like they’ve been destroyed? You think it didn’t feel like you were tearing me apart every time you walked away?”

Alex shakes his head and clenches his hands tightly. “I’m not saying that I’m the only one out of the two of us who has suffered because of this _thing _between us. What I’m saying is that when I made the choice to break things off, I left you alone. You made your choice. All I’m asking is for space.”

“Space from what?” Michael yells. “It’s not like we were in a relationship!”

“You’re right,” Alex yells right back. “It’s not like it matters that I’ve been in love with you what feels like my entire life, when it’s not like we’ve _ever _been in an actual relationship! So that automatically means that I should be okay with you moving on!”

Michael makes a frustrated noise, like he doesn’t believe that Alex is doing this.

“I’m not going to apologize for-for-”

“For trying to leave the past behind?” Alex says when Michael stumbles for the words and Michael looks up at him eyes wide.

“For hoping for a brighter future?”

Michael continues to stare at him.

Alex scoffs. “I know this because I know you, Guerin. We’re the same. I’ve been where you are, but while my bright future is me being free of my father, yours is being free of me.”

Michael makes a sound like Alex punched him in the chest.

“Don’t deny it, Guerin. You know it. I know it. And I’m trying to make this easy for you.”

Michael opens his mouth and Alex just sighs and holds his hand up. “You know I’ve had some time to think while I was alone in here, and I thought about fighting for you. But then, I realized, what good would that do when you’ve made a choice, and even though I don’t like it, it has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with you. As long as you’re happy Guerin, then I’ll find a way to deal.”

Michael looks like he’s going to say something, but Alex thinks that he’s had enough of this conversation.

He thinks that he’s had enough of all conversations dealing with this topic between him and Michael for the rest of his life.

“There are plenty of other Air Force Bases near New Mexico looking for an expert code breaker to do some behind the work stuff. I can ask for a reassignment any time.”

“What?” Michael says startled and takes a step forward. “What are you talking about? Aren’t you at the end of your enlistment period?”

Alex gives a little laugh that he knows sounds a little hysterical.

“I don’t have to stay in Roswell to finish it.”

“You’re leaving,” Michael says voice stilted. “After _everything _you’re just going to go!”

“I can’t be here,” Alex says his voice cracking.

“Why?” Michael demands crossing the space between them fast.

Michael’s hands grab on to his shoulders and Alex gasp.

He freezes and stares at Michael. He feels an ache deep in the pit of his stomach. The urge to lean forward and press their mouths together. To kiss Michael like only Alex knew how to kiss him. To remind him that they were so _good _together.

Alex’s eyes fall shut.

“You make me want things I can’t have,” he whispers voice raw, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. “Not anymore. So I need space to forget the way that it feels to hold you close. I need time to get rid of the ache deep inside that urges me to kiss you. And I need the distance to remind myself that you’re not mine. Not anymore. So please, please let me go.”

Michael moves away from him, fingers digging into Alex’s arm briefly before he moves away.

“Alex,” he says his voice wet with tears. “I don’t want you to go.”

Alex laughs again wet and painful and rubs his hands against his face. He looks away from Michael. “When has that stopped me before?”

Michael makes a noise like Alex stabs him and he’s quiet for a long time before he leaves.

Alex waits until the door upstairs slams shut to give into the tears as he falls to the floor.


End file.
